Stevie-Jo Lowe

Stevie-jo was a twin. We lost the 1st twin at 7 weeks gone, we didnt even know we was having twins as the 1st scan didnt show but the 2nd did but it was to late, that was very hard as we was shocked to find out we were having twins but 1 had gone.

The pregnancy was very difficult as continous bleeding from beginning to the end. Appointments at the hospital were every week and we had scans every 2 weeks but the remaining twin was growing ok we was told.
Then 1 morning when i was 21 weeks gone i woke up to a pool of water, thought maybe i had wet myself in the nite but we had hospital that day so i could tell them whats happened. At hospital i told them and they done a scan again and they said my waters have broke but there was still a little bit left around the baby which was ok!!

Told to go home and rest and come back again in a week for another scan.
Went back and they said baby is fine still but the water that was surrounding our baby was still only a little bit, i thought that was a bit strange really as aint babies spose to have all the fluid around them!!!
Then again the next week back for a scan and this time it was different news, baby wasnt growing because of the fluid and would we consider having a termination, No way as they did say baby was fine a week before and shes still fine now, when we said no they said ok we will have to keep me in, still to this day we dont understand why.
So i stayed in hospital, everyday they gave me tablets, dont know what they were for, they wasnt saying anything to us at all.
The bleeding still hadnt stopped.

I started getting pains and a few times i was taken down to labour ward but they stopped and i was taken back to the ward again. I was in hospital for 2 weeks.

Then 1 morning about 7am i got up and went for breakfast, i felt fine and then i had to use the toilet, as i went to go to the toilet something wasnt right so i preesed emergency button and the nurse came, she said the umbilical cord is on its way out and i could see it in between my legs, i still didnt know what was happening but they rang my mum and boyfriend and told them to get to the hospital, again they took me to labour ward, hooked me up to all kinds of machines gave me all different kinds of medicines, injections, doctors coming in and out checking me over, found out later i was being started of and still didnt know why.

Me and my boyfriend was excited as we knew then i was going to have our baby.
The midwife kept coming in and going again, we though we wasnt being looked after very well then i started to get a few pains, which wasnt to bad.

Midwife came in again and put the machine i was hooked up to on a faster setting to speed things up and said if your pains get bad call out!!
Then the midwife went home and i got a different 1 who seemed a bit nicer then the last.
They kept upping the machine and giving me more medicine, i asked for a drink but wasnt allowed.
My pains started to get very bad then i felt the need to push, i could feel the baby moving down when i put my hand on my belly, the midwife pointed to the head, it was very strange feeling.

I was starting to get very tired as the night went on again i got a different midwife who this 1 was very pushy towards me saying hurry up and push otherwise your going to have to go theatre!! she seemed very panicky!!
It was very hard work and very painful and in the end our baby came into the world at 11.59pm, along time.

The midwife took our baby away wrapped in a towel, couldnt even see her or him. I was to out of it to know what was going on then i had to get the placenta out, which i just couldnt do, i felt to ill, i was given 2 injections dont know why and finally after nearly 2 hours the placenta was out, then i started to feel very strange, white flashes and a tunnel, i was going into the tunnel, i could see people from my family that have passed away, it was very frightening but for some reason i wanted to go, my mum was holding my hands saying no.

After a while my boyfriend came in and said he has seen our baby, so had my mum and that shes gone! i was in such a state but i said yes, the midwife came in and said am i sure because of the way baby looked, i said yes, so she was brought in, a girl, my daughter, at 1st i was very shocked as she was very red but all her features were there to see, the midwife wrapped her up and put her in a moses basket, she was so tiny.
My boyfriend was allowed to stay with me for the nite, they kept me in the labour ward and our daughter was allowed to stay with us to, it was really nice but at the same time very sad and in the morning the vicar came and blessed her, there was too many tears since our baby was born, we was left empty handed when the midwife came and took her away from us and then i was discharged home again empty handed.
I had a scan the day before we lost our baby and they said she was fine.

We went to see Stevie-jo for 1 last time a week later at the mortuary, the need to be near her again was otherwelming again we didnt want to go but we had to.

The funeral arrangements was very painful but it had to be done, we chose to do it ourselfs as the hospital said they could do it for us but it would of been a shared grave, we didnt like that idea.

We was allowed to have Stevie-jo wih us at home the night before, family and friends came round to see us, i didnt go to sleep that night, i stayed next to Stevie-jo instead.

The funeral was on the 23rd december, 2 days before christmas day, it was a really lovely service, Steve carried the tiny little white coffin in, crying his heart out but he did it, he also wanted to read the poem he made for Stevie-jo out but couldnt so the vicar done it for him, i wasnt brave either so the vicar read out my little poem.

Everyone put a teddy bear on top of the coffin as it was lowered and then we had to leave our darling Angel all alone.

Rest in peace Stevie-jo and also your little twin who we didnt meet but will never forget you, Mummy and Daddy love you both very very much and always will. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

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* PLEASE LITE A CANDLE FOR STEVIE-JO- THANKYOU *
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Some Poems


Don't grieve for me, for now I'm free.
I'm following the path God has laid you see.
I took His hand when I heard Him call, I turned my back and left it all.

I could not stay another day.
To laugh, to love, to work or play.
Tasks left undone must stay that way.
I found that peace at the close of the day.

If my parting has left a void, then fill
it with remembered joys.
A friendship shared, a laugh, a kiss.
Oh yes, these things I too will miss.

Be not burdened with times of sorrow.
I wish you the sunshine of tomorrow.
My life's been full, I savored much.
Good friends, good times, a loved one's touch.

Perhaps my time seemed all too brief.
Don't lengthen it now with undue grief.
Lift up your hearts and peace to thee.
God wanted me now; He set me free!

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They say that life is fleeting
I know that this is true
I left this world so quickly
With no goodbye to you.
I know how much you miss me
Your tears fall ever light
The pillow where you lay your head
Is wet with them at night.
I know your heart is hurting
The words we left, unsaid
I love you’s left unspoken
Are spinning in your head.
The strength that I have carried
That served to make you whole
Remains to make you stronger
Within your grieving soul.
For you see, while you were weeping
On the day I passed away
At the gravesite near the flowers
Where my loved ones knelt to pray.
An angel came to see me
She took me by the hand
She led me to a kingdom
In a very distant land.
As I look down from the heaven
And see you standing there
Your heart so ever burdened
With more weight than it can bear.
I long to bring you comfort
I long to give you peace
I long to hold you closely
Cause all your tears to cease.
The joy I’ve found in heaven
Goes far beyond compare
The love that’s so elusive
Can be found here everywhere.
The light is softly shining
There’s no storm clouds here or rain
There’s no teardrops found in heaven
There’s no suffering, there’s no pain.
You needn’t be so troubled
Stay close to God and pray
That someday we’ll be together
One bright and glorious day.
So my love, you shouldn’t question
My dear you need not cry
I’ve gone to be with Jesus
I really didn’t die.

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If Roses grow in Heaven

If Roses grow in Heaven,
Lord please pick a bunch for me,
Place them in my Daughter's arms
and tell her they're from me.

Tell her I love her and miss her,
and when she turns to smile,
place a kiss upon her cheek
and hold her for awhile.

Because remembering her is easy,
I do it every day,
but there's an ache within my heart
that will never go away.

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God makes little children
He makes them every day
And though He loves them dearly
He gives them all away.

He gives each to an angel
And says take baby down
To such and such a mother
In such and such a town.

Or such and such a cottage
In such and such a place.
He gives the angel with it
A big soul full of grace.

God does so love those children
It's all that He can do
To let the Angel take them
But he loves the mother's too.

And so he says I'll lend you
This little one of mine
The angel folds it's love
About the special gift divine.

The angel watches over
The child both day and night
So glad to see that lovely soul
All shining in God's light

God makes so many children
And every now and then
He seems to want one specially
We don't know why or when

He whispers to its Angel
Bring the child back to me
The angel sees a lovely sight
That someday we may see

It sees the souls of mothers
And fathers in God's light
Offering him tiny children
Whose souls are shining bright

God does so love those children
Whos souls are never dim
And how he loves those parents
Who give them back to him.

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This is for all the caterpillars that never became butterflies,
and all the butterflies,
that never caught the wind in their wings,
and all the hearts,
that had hopes and dreams,
of a wondrous flight together."

Don't let them say I wasn't born,
that something stopped my heart.
I felt each tender squeeze you gave,
I loved you from the start.

Although my body you can't hold,
it doesn't mean I am gone.
This world was worthy not of me ~
God chose that I move on.

I know the pain that drowns your soul,
what you are forced to face ~
You'll have my word I'll fill your arms,
some day we will embrace.

You'll hear that "It was meant to be,
God doesn't make mistakes."
But that won't soften your worst blow,
or make your heart not ache.

I'm watching over all you do,
another child you'll bear,
Believe me when I say to you
that I am always there!

There will come a time I promise you,
when you will hold my hand.
Stroke my face and kiss my lips
and then you'll understand.

Although I never breathed your air
or gazed into your eyes,
That does not mean I never was
An angel never dies.

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Can You Be A Mother When Your Baby Is Not With You?

I thought of you and closed my eyes
And prayed to God today
I asked "What makes a Mother?"
And I know I heard Him say.

"A Mother has a baby"
This we know is true
"But God can you be a Mother,
when your baby's not with you?"

"Yes, you can," He replied
With confidence in His voice
"I give many women babies,
When they leave is not their choice.

Some I send for a lifetime,
And others for the day
And some I send to feel your womb,
But there's no need to stay."

"I just don't understand this God
I want my baby to be here."
He took a deep breath and cleared His throat,
And then I saw the tear.

"I wish I could show you,
What your child is doing today.
If you could see your child's smile,
With all the other children and say..."

We go to earth to learn our lessons,
Of love and life and fear,
My mummy loved me oh so much,
I got to come straight here.

I feel so lucky to have a Mummy,
Who had so much love for me
I learned my lessons very quickly
My mummy set me free.

I miss my mummy oh so much
But I visit her every day.
When she goes to sleep,
On her pillows where I lay

I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek,
And whisper in her ear
Mummy don't be sad today,
I'm your baby and I'm here."

"So you see my dear sweet ones,
Your children are okay.
Your babies are born here in My home
And this is where they'll stay."

"They'll wait for you with Me,
Until your lessons through.
And on the day that you come home
they'll be at the gates for you.

So now you see what makes a Mother,
It's the feeling in your heart
It's the love you had so much of
Right from the very start.

Though some on earth may not realize
You are a mother.
Until their time is done.
They'll be up here with Me one day
and know that you are the best one."

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I have a little daughter, who means the world to me
She's living with the Angels and is as special as can be
And even though she's up there, playing in the clouds
She's still my precious daughter and I am so very proud
Her picture takes pride of place on my living room wall
Ready to be admired by all who come to call
I know I can not hold her, or bounce her on my knee
But I only have to close my eyes, her little face to see
I never will stop missing her and wishing she were here
But sometimes I feel, indeed I know that she is very near
So play happily my little daughter, you will never be forgot
I love you so and always will, though I miss you such a lot .

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